My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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