were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
