$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
