Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
