remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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