There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
