I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In America we eat man semen.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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