You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize