Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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