I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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