reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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