It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize