please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
