I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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