I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
