Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
