I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
