were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize