You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
