Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
