Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
