I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
