i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
