a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
