All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
