I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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