i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize