Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
