you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
