Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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