I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
