Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
