The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
