you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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