Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
this beer tastes like vomit already
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
