Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
