All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My nipple is on Facebook.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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