quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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