Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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