I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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