Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
