I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
