The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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