I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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