The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
