Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
