every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
