I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
