god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize