If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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