I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
