I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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