wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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