she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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