At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Still dying that you shit outside
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize