I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
