I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
