Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
