In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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