I think my fart just growled at me.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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