so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
