Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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