I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize