Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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