she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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