Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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