we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
