its not stalking. its research.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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