he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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