so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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