Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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