Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
