I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
