weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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