That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Randomize
