Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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