I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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